Burning Alive
by Crimson Love20
Summary: Has anyone ever thought about what Jasper had to go through when Edward came back after he told Bella he was leaving? This is Jasper's take on Edward leaving Bella. This is the pain he went through, all the while knowing he had caused it. One-shot.


**Random one-shot. Tell me your thoughts. This is right after Edward leaves Bella. Like IMMEDIATELY after he leaves her in the forest.  
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**Disclaimer: I never really wanted to own Jasper, but after getting into his head, he's quite crucial to the story. So I wish that Jasper was mine, but he isn't. -Sigh-**

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**Jasper's POV**

Sheer, agonizing pain slammed into me, and I dropped to my knees. I knew this was coming, but it had hit me harder than I had anticipated. "Jasper!" Alice gasped, flitting to my side.

I clutched my head, doubling over, unconsciously making a pained whimpering sound. I couldn't stop what was happening to me. The plan had been for me to try to help Edward when he came back, but that plan would definitely not work right now. The wound was too fresh, too raw.

"Jazz, what the hell?" Emmett snapped. "You're supposed to be helping him."

I faintly heard Edward's wild and desperate shrieks. Somewhere in my mind, I knew the family was trying to hold him down, calm him down.

"Can't," I barely ground out. Alice rubbed my shoulder.

"It's okay, Jazz," she cooed. "It'll get better. It'll get better, I promise." But even I could hear the doubt in her voice.

More agony flowed through me, and it took all of my strength to just not break down and scream and wail for all I was worth. Below Alice and I, Edward was still having trouble calming down.

I hadn't expected the . . . depth of his reaction. His actions had most definitely brought severe consequences to himself and to the rest of us. I howled softly, my fingers twisted tightly in my hair.

"Jasper?" Carlisle asked quietly. Worry was etched through his voice. I knew what he was going to ask before he even said another word.

"I'm trying," I hissed through my teeth, my breathing coming quicker. "But _Jesus Christ_," I whimpered, curling more around myself.

Alice gasped in a sob. "It's okay, Jasper. You'll be okay. It'll be okay."

"God, Carlisle. He's in so much _pain_ right now. I -" I was cut off with another shard of pain slicing through me. I was left gasping for breath. After a few seconds, I managed to finish my statement. "I'm not sure if I can ever get a grip on his emotions. Not when they're like this," I panted, keeping myself hunched together, knowing that if I moved at all, I would fall apart.

This pain, however deep and cutting it was, was the only thing holding Edward together. And myself, for that fact. Edward felt that if he let go of this, everything would fall apart. He felt lost, and the only reminder of anything, of his love, was the pain of losing her. I saw his reasoning behind that, but he was making things worse for himself.

I had never felt more separated from my family than in this moment. With Alice as the exception, the entire family was downstairs, sitting with Edward, talking with Edward, helping _Edward_ through this pain. I was forgotten, alone, rocked to the core not only by my own self-guilt, but by Edward's new-found heartache.

True, Alice and I had invited ourselves here, but Carlisle and his family had been so accepting. I felt as if I truly was a part of their family. We looked out for each other. I had never noticed how lonely Edward was before he had met Bella.

The moment I thought her name, a fresh wound slammed into me, and I instantly regretted thinking anything. "Edward," I panted, clutching blindly at my chest. I felt like my heart was going to be ripped from my chest. "I'm sorry. Please . . . calm down, I'm begging you."

This agony, this fire that was licking at my veins, burning me to the ground until there was nothing left but ragged edges of bone was unendurable. If he didn't resign himself in some way, I would have to leave. This was all just too much.

"Jasper, we know you're doing your best, but could you try harder?" Esme requested, tears in her voice. I was about to respond when Alice exploded.

"Edward isn't the only one suffering! Jasper is trying his damn hardest!" Alice collapsed into sobs and threw her arms around my neck. "I love you, Jasper, but I don't know how to make it better."

I fought back the urge building in me to just burn myself alive. That would be better than enduring this hell one more moment. Had only minutes passed? It seemed like eternity.

"I know," I whispered to Alice. "Esme, I'm _trying_. He's . . . dying. And I can't figure out how to change that."

"Please keep trying."

"I will," I promised. I felt her presence disappear.

It took us two days to move Edward. Carlisle and Esme put Edward into the Mercedes and left. Rosalie and Emmett went with them. Alice took Carlisle's extra car and followed them. We knew we needed to get out of town, but we figured it wouldn't be helpful to make Edward move while he was so easily antagonized.

It took us two whole days to put him in a car. The moment he was miles away, there was a bit of relief, and I felt like I could breathe again. Alice and I hugged tightly before following Rosalie and Emmett.

Carlisle and Esme rented a room at a hotel, and that was where we all met up to discuss our next move. Alice was hesitant about letting me near Edward again, but I knew it had to be done.

It was another three days before he would even agree to see me. Whether that was for my benefit or not, I wasn't sure. When he finally agreed to see me, I was both relieved and nervous.

Edward was sitting on a couch, staring blankly ahead. His emotions were still flaring wildly, but he had reigned in his actions. The moment I entered the room, a wave of agony and grief hit me. I rocked on my heels, the intensity of the feelings yet again shocking me.

Edward stood, facing me. The rest of the family was silent as they watched our silent exchange. He could read my mind, and I could read his emotions. I saw the overwhelming grief and agony in his eyes. I was sure my eyes mirrored his.

We were brothers, bound together by the knowledge of his loss. We were in this together. No matter his feelings toward himself, or anything I would ever do in the future, we would always remember this.

He had deep circles underneath his eyes. His body was stiff, almost unused. His hair was even more wild than usual. His face was stone. Not angry or pained . . . just there. Like he didn't even care where he was.

Our eyes locked. I saw the flames in his eyes. We were both enduring horrific, unbelievable pain. I felt a connection pass between us, even through the flames.

Though he was being engulfed by the pain, by the agony, by the flames, so was I. And so we were brothers, together burning in this endless torture.

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**Okay, that caused me physical pain to write it. But it was in my heart, and in my head, and it had to be written.**

**So please review?**

**Later, alligators.**

**-J.C.  
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